Anyone that knows me is aware of the fact that I like food and cooking a lot. I have the tendency to get lost in the international aisles of the grocery store and I’ve been known to make my own tomato soup and granola from scratch. I take pictures of food. I think about it, I research it, I write about it, I make it, and I eat it. It’s hard to be as food-obsessed as me and not develop a few high-brow food preferences. That being said, there are some cravings that can be only satisfied by the lowest common denominators of our culinary traditions.
I’m not just talking about junk food. Junk food can be high brow – french fries blanched in duck fat before a double fry, wood fired pizza with truffles and arugula – these things do not count. I’m talking about the foods that make you ask for “paper” at the grocery store check out, the kind of foods that make you feel kind of dirty for loving them. Everyone has a few regrettable food loves that they are powerless to resist. These are mine.
Ramen Noodles are a college staple, but eating ramen after college is not socially acceptable. Ramen has almost no nutritional value, but the noodles are hot and slurpy and endlessly versatile. I used to eat them chicken flavored with worcestershire sauce and lot of black pepper. Now I’m all about the sriracha hot sauce. I’m not a role model.
I can’t be trusted around fried potatoes of any kind, but Lay’s Sour Cream and Onion Potato Chips are my kryptonite. These are probably the only chips I literally can’t stop eating. Even after I start to feel sick from them. I think it’s a little bit about the texture. They’re so thin! I especially love the really big chips that get folded over on themselves. Double crunch. I’m such a freak.
So being caught by your foodie friends at Outback Steakhouse isn’t as embarrassing as being caught at, like, TGI Fridays, but it’s still pretty bad. For me, the Bloomin’ Onion makes it worth the risk. It’s a fried onion shaped like a flower and seasoned to the point of rendering ones taste buds ineffective for the rest of the week. THEN it’s served with a vat of horseradish sauce, I assume to clear the sinuses. My love for it is masochistic.
I bought Totinos Pizza Rolls last month with like, a bottle of soda and hung my head in shame in the checkout line. I’m kind of a sucker for any cheapo crappy frozen pizza pocket, but due to their mini size, Totinos are especially fun. I have no excuse.
Ranch Doritos, especially when eaten with the more densely seasoned side facing down for maximum impact.
I’m not a big pastry person. I’d rather have eggs for breakfast than a danish or a muffin. I’m also not much of a sweet tooth, but Krispy Kreme donuts – in all their deep fried glory – are obscenely delicious. Plain glazed only – anything else is way too sweet. I’m thinking about making bread pudding out of some. Would that be weird?
I have driven over thirty miles for a really good fry, but on a day to day basis I’m basically a slut for any kind of french fried potato. McDonalds’ are totally decent, as are Arby’s curly abominations. I want them all.
My soul is bared. What are your nasty guilty food pleasures??