There’s one more thing you need to eat before you punish yourself with kale salad for the next month. Ok…so probably more like the next week and a half (be honest now). But still, you neeeed a cheesy, decadent flavor-bomb before the clock strikes twelve on the new year. You deserve it. A last hurrah. You need crab dip.

But before we get to the dip, I need you to pat me on the back for even blogging today. My house is still overrun with fourteen of the previous eighteen (most adorable) relatives, which is great, but they brought with them a plague. I spent the last day and a half chilled to the bone while sweating out all my “toxins” or whatever and all I want to do is sleep. Today a doc-in-box confirmed that I do indeed have strep. My will to take part in anything but a netflix marathon is squashed, and I’ve completely excused myself from the charade of making resolutions this year. But here I am blogging even though I’m legitimately ill! I just could not wait until after new years to post this perfectly indulgent, celebratory dip. You need this and you need it now. I’m doing this for YOU.

I don’t care if you already have your new year’s eve menu planned. Make room. And trust me on this, because I’m a Marylander, and if there’s anything we do right (culinarily speaking) it’s crab.

Crab ain’t cheap, which is why I like to use it in dip – everyone shares it, and all that cheese makes it so heart-stoppingly rich that you absolutely need help to finish it. As far as crab goes, this is really pretty thrifty. Thrifty crab-eating could even be a worthy resolution, for those (like me) who lack scruples. Baby steps!

Maryland Style Hot and Spicy Crab Dip

Ingredients:
-1 block cream cheese (8 oz)
-1/4 cup mayo
-1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese (plus a little for topping)
-1/2 cup grated white cheddar (plus a little for topping)
-1 clove garlic, grated
-1 tsp. dry mustard
-1 Tbsp. worcestershire sauce
-2 tsp. Old Bay seasoning (I recommend low sodium O.B. and using the full 2 tsp, but if you only have regular start with 1 tsp and add more to taste)
-1/4 tsp cayenne pepper (more if you like a bigger kick)
-2 Tbsp chives, chopped
-1 cup lump crab meat
-salt and black pepper, to taste

Method:

1. Soften cream cheese to room temperature (use microwave if you need to, as long as the cheese is unwrapped and in a microwave safe bowl.

2. Stir mayo, parmesan cheese, cheddar cheese, garlic, mustard, worcestershire, Old Bay, cayenne, and chives into the cream cheese. Taste before adding any additional salt or pepper.

3. Gently fold crab meat into cheese mixture. Spoon dip into a baking dish, smooth out the top and cover with more cheddar and parmesan.

4. Bake at 350F for 20-25 minutes or until heated through and the cheese on top is browned. Serve with warm baguette slices, crackers, or crostini.

I’d planned to post this on the 19th, but clearly that day sailed on past me without acknowledgement. I was even going to have a little Christmas post with Murdock covered in bows, but I couldn’t make it happen.

It pains me to remind you, but Cody and I are living with my grandparents right now (love them, don’t love being fake adults). My grandparents are hosting Christmas and New Years this year for my entire family (from out of town), plus their spouses and kids. We are stuffing 18 people into 6 bedrooms and it’s absolutely insane. I mean wonderful. Honestly, I love it, but I’ve been helping my grandma clean and coordinate and figure out how to feed 18 people for a week and a half and I underestimated the magnitude of the project. I also overestimated my ability to blog while I have babies to snuggle and beasts to roast and an infinite pile of dishes that need doing…counters that need wiping… Surely you understand.

Before the motley crew flew in from their respective corners of the country I had the good sense to make a gigantic batch of party mix, and it has done us well. It’s a perfect, substantial snack for those stretches of time between our breakfasts-at-noon and dinners, whenever they end up being. My version is punchy, with mustard and cayenne and a bag of french-fried onions because they’re awesome. Why should green beans have all the fun anyway?

Ultimate Party Mix

Ingredients:

-1 stick butter
-1/4 cup worcestershire sauce
-1 tsp dijon mustard
-1 tsp dry dill
-1 1/2 tsp seasoning salt (like lawry’s)
-1 clove garlic
-1/4 tsp cayenne
-5-6 cups rice chex
-4 cups cheez its and pretzels (together, NOT individually – in your preferred ratio)
-1/2 to 1 cup roasted almonds (I suggest naked)
-1 bag (or can) french fried onions
-3 cups pumpernickel bread, cut into cubes or sticks (or you can substitute bagel chips)

Method:

1. In a small sauce pan over medium heat, melt your stick of butter and add the worcestershire, mustard, dill, seasoning salt, garlic, and cayenne. Whisk together to combine and remove the pan from the heat.

2. In a really big bowl, stir together chex, cheez its, pretzels, almonds, fried onions, and pumpernickel bread cubes. You don’t need to worry about the bread being soft, it will dry out and become crunchy when the mix is cooked.

3. Drizzle the butter/worcestershire mixture over the mix and stir it well to combine and coat the pieces. Taste the mix for salt and add a little if it’s needed. The mix will taste vinegary before it’s cooked, but don’t worry because it will mellow out in the oven (or microwave).

4. You can spread the mix out on a sheet pan and bake it in a 300F oven for an hour or so (stirring from time to time until the mix is totally dry), OR if you use a glass bowl, you can put it in the microwave for two minutes at a time, three to four times (stirring well between each zap) until the mix is dry, then spread it out on a sheet of parchment to cool.

Eat it by the fistful and store leftovers in a plastic bag or covered bowl to keep it fresh. OMNOMNOM

This recipe, along with my family’s beef stew and black pepper pumpkin pie are pretty much the trifecta of foods we always get asked to bring to parties and potlucks. This sauce in particular is universally loved. The go-to dessert at my parent’s house when we had company over was always some kind of brownie (didn’t matter how it was made) generic vanilla ice cream (quality not important) and this sauce – which is capable of redeeming even the most mediocre of sundaes. Powerful stuff.

Making the sauce is easy, too easy in fact, and it fills the house with the lovely smell of serious chocolate. You probably even have all the ingredients you need in your pantry right now…

I don’t think there’s much else to say.

Crushed candy cane is festive, but I can take it or leave it. Cody ate the bowl in the photo, and asked for a refill of sauce half way through – no such thing as too much, or enough for that matter.

My Family’s Famous Homemade Hot Fudge Sauce

Ingredients:
-1 cup granulated sugar
-1/2 cup cocoa powder
-1 1/2 cups heavy cream (the original recipe calls for a can of evaporated milk, which also works, I just prefer cream)
-1/2 tsp salt
-1 tsp vanilla (my dad prefers Mexican vanilla, and I agree)

Method:
1. In a 2-3 quart saucepan over medium heat, combine sugar, cocoa, and cream. Bring mixture to a low boil and cook, stirring constantly, for about 2-3 minutes. If you use evaporated milk instead of fresh cream, you will need to cook it another few minutes to get a thick consistency.
2. Add salt and vanilla and combine, boiling a few seconds more to allow the alcohol to cook out of the vanilla.
3. Remove sauce from heat and allow to cool slightly before serving.

This recipe stores well in the fridge, but will need to be re-heated and stirred either in the microwave or on the stovetop. It’s far too thick in it’s cold state to pour straight on a sundae. Personally, I think that’s a good thing.

It’s my first giveaway! And it’s good!

Gilded Panda is a cute little art typography print shop from SLC and I like them pretty hard. They approached me last week about doing a giveaway and here it is! An art print giveaway on a food blog is probably an odd match to some of you, but I’m doing it for two reasons: First, Gilded Panda’s stuff is pretty and inspirational without being cheesy – which is so rare. That quote above is completely on point to me, because curiosity is vital for a well-lived life, and especially so for cooks who need to be experiencing new tastes and asking “why?” as often as possible. The second reason I decided to do this giveaway is: cooks are people too! – people with gift lists to fill and walls to decorate and hopefully an appreciation for aspirational aesthetics. Ya’ll like free stuff right?

So from now through Friday 12/19/14 I’ll be collecting entries to win a free 8×10 print of your choice from Gilded Panda! PLUS readers will get a 20% discount on their first purchase with the code: SWEETSALTYTART

To enter, leave a comment on this post naming your favorite Gilded Panda print before midnight on the 19th. Don’t forget to leave your email address with your comment so I can contact you to deliver your winnings! (Don’t worry, your email address won’t be published or used for anything.) I’ll announce a winner on Saturday and have the print shipped to your door!

So many exclamations in this post! I’m excited! Bonne chance my dears!

UPDATE: We have a winner!

Ashlee was the 12th entry, so congrats! I’ll be in touch to get that print sent to you!

Thanks to everyone for participating!

I’ve had a few questions on my cacio e pepe post about whether or not the one-pot principle can be applied to gluten free pasta – questions I could not answer because I’d never touched gluten free anything before. So I tried it, and I learned a few things.

Let me just start by saying that I don’t really understand the gluten-free trend. I get that some people are legitimately allergic to wheat, and I get that refined starches are not so great health-wise, but I don’t get eliminating gluten specifically as a dieting tactic. Doritos are gluten free! Am I missing something here?

So I’m going into this with a certain bias, but for the benefit of those with celiac, I think this is worth the trouble. I chose a bag of organic brown rice pasta because risotto is made from rice, so I know rice starch is good and starchy, which is important for one-pot applications. For whatever reason, the gluten free powers that be have decided that their pasta will be sold in twelve ounce bags instead of pound bags, which is weird, but eh.

Long story short, you can totally one-pot brown rice pasta. You will definitely need more liquid than you would for wheat pasta though (one-and-a-half times as much to be exact). And I have to say, brown rice pasta tastes super weird to me – like it has this tang to it…and when you one-pot a pasta you’re making sauce out of the starch, so none of that tang is going to get washed away the way it might if you drained the pasta and made a separate cheese sauce.

But if you’re gluten free, you might struggle to make a traditional roux-based cheese sauce anyway. And once you add some sharp cheddar to this pot it tastes pretty darn decent. I also think this would work just as well with a thin brown rice noodle in my one-pot cacio e pepe, as long as you use the brown rice pasta-to-water ratio instead of the wheat pasta-to-water ratio.

One-Pot Gluten Free Mac and Cheese

Ingredients:
-one 12-oz bag of brown rice pasta
-4 1/2 cups water (or chicken or veggie broth)
-2-3 cups grated sharp cheddar
-pinch of cayenne
-1/2 tsp dry mustard (or regular mustard if you don’t have dry – mustard and cheddar just go)
-salt to taste
-(optional) gluten-free bread crumbs, crushed chips, or almond meal

Method:
1. Heat pasta and water together with a pinch of salt (leave the salt out if you are using broth). In a large pot over medium heat and simmer until: the water is mostly absorbed, the liquid that’s left is thickened, and the pasta is cooked (I’m not so sure brown rice pasta is capable of “al dente”). If the pasta isn’t fully cooked at this point, add a bit of water. If there is too much starchy sauce, scoop some out with a ladle or spoon.

2. Remove pasta pot from heat, add grated cheddar (optional: save some for topping) and stir until the cheese is melted thoroughly. Add cayenne and mustard and stir to combine. Taste the pasta for seasoning and add salt if necessary. Black or white pepper is also allowed.

3. This makes a good stove-top mac if you want to stop right here, but if you like, you can transfer the macaroni and cheese to a baking dish and cover with crunchies (gluten free bread crumbs, crushed chips, almond meal, etc.) and grated cheese. Then broil until the crumbs are nicely browned and the cheese is melted.

PS:
If you find yourself with a full pound bag of gluten free pasta, use 6 cups of water or broth instead of 4 1/2.

**If you are not gluten free, you can make this with one pound of regular pasta and one quart of water or broth – super easy one-pot mac!

There are categories of gift giving…tiers if you will. You have the big ones: kids, parents, significant others; then the “let’s set a dollar limit” ones: brothers and sisters, friends; and the other ones: neighbors, mail carriers, co-workers. The latter group is a common source of frustration during the holidays – what can you get someone that will show them you are glad they’re in your life, without breaking the bank OR having it end up in their garbage come January. My favorite answer is usually food.

Food gifts don’t take up too much space, they are consumable, biodegradable (mostly), they are fairly cheap to put together, and they are personal enough to say “I really am thankful you’re around”. Cookies and homemade candies are classic (I’ll whip out the millionaire shortbread on a few friends this time of year) but savory snacks are really my favorite, and they tend to get overlooked.  That’s why this year I’m making bacon jam – partnered with a wedge of herby cheese and a bag of homemade crostini, it’s a perfect little present.

I’m not much into wrapping or decorating gifts, so string, a branch from my neighbor’s tree, and a paper bag in lieu of a proper basket will have to do. I kind of like it – I’ll call it rustic (code for slacker).

One thing to note about my bacon jam – I keep it sort of crunchy. A lot of bacon jam recipes are done in a slow cooker, which might be a little simpler to make, but will most definitely turn your bacon to mushy jam. I like the idea of preserving a bit of that crispy meaty bacon texture. To do that, I cook thick-cut bacon in a low oven so that the fat renders out as much as possible and we’re left with bacon that’s very crispy and jam that’s got some texture, even after the bacon is stirred into the melty onions. I quite like it.

Edible Gifting: Bacon Jam
crostini “recipe” is over here (too easy to really be called a recipe though)
makes about 4 gift portions

Ingredients:
2 large onions
1/2 stick butter
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1/4 cup brewed coffee (or instant, dissolved in water, or beef broth)
1 Tbsp cider vinegar or red wine vinegar
1 Tbsp brown sugar
1 lb thick-cut bacon
salt and black pepper to taste

Method:

1. Spread bacon out in a single layer on a baking sheet and roast in a low 300 F oven until brown and very crispy. Chop finely (or mince in a food processor if you have one) and set aside.
2. Grate onion (or mince very finely in a food processor) and cook over low heat in butter until the onions become very soft and start to turn golden. Add cayenne, coffee, brown sugar, and vinegar and cook until the liquid is completely evaporated and the onions are quite brown (this will take a while – like up to two hours).
3. Stir bacon into onion mixture and taste for seasoning – it should be quite sweet from the onions and salty from the bacon. Add extra salt if it’s needed, and a few good grinds of black pepper too.

Serve with crackers or crostini and some spready cheese – I’m partial to d’Affinois with herbs (which is like a mild brie) or goat cheese, but bacon jam will go with just about any soft or fresh cheese you want.

I’m a lover of lists, and this year I’m feeling uncharacteristically festive and benevolent, so: a holiday gift list. I made this list for the serious food freaks in your life. Though really, it’s more than likely you’re the food freak in your life, or you might not be reading this. SO here’s what you should want this year.

1. Enameled mugs – For those of us who like bearded men and plaid shirts, but not camping – especially not in December.

2. The Flavor Bible – Recommended to me by my one friend who actually went to culinary school, this book is a guide for creative cooks who want to know what flavors go and what flavors don’t.

3. Baking steel griddle – This one isn’t technically on the market yet, but I’ll be first in line when it hits. The baking steel is like an amped-up pizza stone – it’s bigger (18×14) and made of super conductive metal so you can get really crispy pizza crusts, even in a home oven. The griddle version is also two-sided: one textured for baking in the oven and one slick side with a trough for stove-top griddling. And that’s as close as I can reasonably get to having a commercial grade flat-top in my home kitchen. I’ll take it.

4. The Searzall – This is like a portable broiler with actual power. It attaches to the top of a regular kitchen torch and delivers even heat that browns instead of burns. I swear this thing is going to be huge, especially with the advances in sous vide cooking we’ve been seeing lately. Oh, and that bruléed topping I was going for in my last post? Should have had the Searzall…

5. Pretty cloth napkins – The best gifts are usually a bit more luxurious than most people would buy for themselves, like cashmere socks or really nice chocolate. A fancy set of napkins might not be the most exciting gift to give, but I think recipients always appreciate having them. These are simple and pretty and would make me feel sophisticated and maybe even a step closer to proper adulthood?

6. A Mircoplane ribbon paddle grater – Everyone needs a microplane, and most people don’t already have this model, which is best for grating cheese and those onions you don’t feel like chopping.

7. Wire cheese cutter – I’m not typically a fan of uni-taskers, but cheese cutters are just unbeatable on blocks of sharp cheddar, which are likely to make an appearance on someone’s holiday table at some point. Plus, this one’s pretty.

8. Prune Cookbook – This is by the author of the book Blood, Bones, and Butter, Gabrielle Hamilton. Prune is Hamilton’s restaurant, and after falling in love with her writing, I’m convinced I want to eat her food.

9. Thermapen – I’m mad I don’t have one of these already. Thermometers are essential for the mastery of steak cooking, deep frying, and even bread baking, and this thermometer is the best, fastest, and most accurate out there.

10. Jacobsen White Truffle Sea Salt – Truffles are expensive and perishable, truffle oil is passé and off-tasting, artisan truffle sea salt however, is long-lasting and perfectly truffle-y.

11. Bay Leaf Wreath – A cute holiday decor alternative for the food lovers.

12. Fat Toad Farm’s Goat Milk Caramel – If I invite you to my house for a holiday party, bring me this caramel and we will be friends 4-eva.

What do you like to give your friends who cook?